The Story (continued)
Then
after turning the lights back on, he fantasizes about everything
that will happen with her, as he plays a recording of Rachmaninoff's Second
Piano Concerto. In an amorous fantasy, the Girl appears coming
down a staircase with a slinky strapless, sparkling black and gold
evening gown and black gloves, flourishing a long cigarette holder.
He imagines himself at the piano in an elegant red dressing gown,
distinguishedly gray at the temples, lighted candelabra on the piano.
He greets her with an affected accent. She is overwhelmed and swept
away by the music:
Rachmaninoff...It isn't fair...Every time I hear
it, I go to pieces...It shakes me, it quakes me. It makes me feel
goose-pimply all over. I don't know where I am or who I am or what
I'm doing. Don't stop. Don't stop. Don't ever stop!
With imaginary thoughts of conquest, he stops the music
and in a suave manner takes her in his arms and kisses her, embracing
her on the piano bench.
And then the doorbell rings and he is awakened from
his fantasy and the mood is interrupted, especially since it is only
the slovenly, T-shirted janitor Mr. Kruhulik (Robert Strauss) who
has come to pick up the bedroom rugs for cleaning, arranged by Helen.
Refusing to let him take the rugs until later, Sherman learns that
Kruhulik will also become a "summer bachelor" the next
day, but disapproves of his crass expectations for freedom: "He's
got four kids. Something happens to people in this town in the summer.
It's disgraceful."
Rushing to the door when the buzzer sounds, he slips
on the roller skate once again, toppling himself and his bucket of
ice cubes. The blonde arrives at his door, wearing tight pink slacks
and a matching pink blouse. He offers her a drink, and then mentions
that he lives alone, explaining away the roller skate he is holding
by telling her that it is adjustable and that he likes to roller
skate. The Girl is receptive to a drink: "I drink like a fish..." She
doesn't know what a martini is (gin and vermouth), but lets him make
her a big tall one.
Then, she tells him how the Kaufmann's upstairs apartment
is not air-conditioned. She stands in front of his air conditioner,
removing her belt and raising her pink blouse to let the cool air
blow on her bare midriff, while artlessly and empty-headedly relating
what happened to her the previous day in her hot apartment:
It's just terrible up there...Ohh, this feels just
elegant. I'm just not made for the heat. This is my first summer
in New York and it's practically killing me. You know what I tried
yesterday? I tried to sleep in the bathtub. Just lying there up
to my neck in cold water...But there was something wrong with the
faucet. It kept dripping. It was keeping me awake, so you know
what I did? I pushed my big toe up the faucet...The only thing
was, my toe got stuck and I couldn't get it back out again...No,
but thank goodness there was a phone in the bathroom, so I was
able to call the plumber...He was very nice, even though it was
Sunday, I explained the situation to him and he rushed right over...But
it was sort of embarrassing...Honestly, I almost died. There I
was with a perfectly strange plumber and no polish on my toenails.
The Girl, with more physical assets than brains, tells
him that she had previously lived in a women's club and discloses
why she was asked to leave:
I hated it. You had to be in by one o'clock or they
locked the doors. Now I can stay out all night if I want to. I
was really glad when they kicked me out, I mean when they practically
asked me to leave...It was so silly. I posed for this picture and
when it was published in U.S. Camera, they got all upset...It
was one of these 'artistic' pictures...it was on the beach with
some driftwood. It got Honorable Mention...It was called Textures,
because you could see three different kinds of texture: the driftwood,
the sand and me. I got $25 dollars an hour, and it took hours and
hours. You'd be surprised.
No longer a model, she is now an actress, doing Dazzledent
Toothpaste Hour TV commercials every other week:
I do the commercial part...Honest, it's a very good
part. First they put a little gray makeup on my teeth to show what
happens when you use ordinary toothpaste. Then, they wipe it off
again to show what happens when you use Dazzledent. I kind of sit
there like this, for about 14 seconds, and I get to speak lines
too: 'I had onions at lunch. I had garlic dressing at dinner. But
he'll never know, because I stay kissing sweet, the new Dazzledent
way.'
She innocently muses about her fleeting fame on TV:
You know, people don't realize that every time I
show my teeth on television, I'm appearing before more people than
Sarah Bernhardt appeared before in her whole career. It's something
to think about?
On her 22nd birthday only a few days earlier, she bought
a bottle of champagne to elegantly drink by herself in the bathtub.
But because she couldn't get the bottle open, it still sits in her
refrigerator with her undies and potato chips. She rushes upstairs
to get the bottle to share with him. While she is gone, he sneaks
a look at her U.S. Camera photograph he discovers in a book
on his shelf and fends off another phone call from his wife.
When the Girl returns with the champagne, she has changed
into a seductive white dress with loose criss-cross straps, explaining:
I figured it just isn't right to drink champagne
in matador pants. Would you mind fastening my straps in the back?...Potato
chips, champagne, do you really think you can get it open?
Clumsily getting his finger stuck in the bottle's opening,
she accidently discovers that he is married, but is relieved - nothing
can get "drastic" with a married man:
I think it's wonderful that you're married. I think
it's just elegant...I wouldn't be lying on the floor in the middle
of the night in some man's apartment drinking champagne if he wasn't
married....Sure, with a married man, it's all so simple. I mean
you can't possibly ever get drastic...You may not believe this,
but people keep falling desperately in love with me...And suddenly
they get this strange idea in their heads...Yes, they start asking
me to marry them. All the time. I don't know why they do it...All
I know is, I don't want to get married. Not yet anyway. Getting
married! That'd be worse than living at the Club. Then, I'd have
to start getting in by one o'clock again...That's the wonderful
part about being with a married man. No matter what happens he
can't possibly ask you to marry him because he's married already.
Right?
When he proposes playing a recording of Rachmaninoff,
she admits that she doesn't know anything about music:
This is what they call classical music, isn't it?...I
can tell because there's no vocal.
She is not swept away by Rachmaninoff as he had fantasized
earlier. He wishes to recreate his fantasy: "Shhh. Don't talk.
Don't fight it. Relax. Go limp...Let it sweep over you." As
he moves down for a kiss, she sits upright: "You know, I've
got the biggest thing for Eddie Fisher," and reaches into the
potato chip bag. Sherman reminds her of his sexual fantasy: "Very
frequently, people go all to pieces listening to this...It quakes
them, it shakes them, it makes them goose-pimply all over." The
Girl dips her potato chip in his champagne glass, remarking: "Hey,
did you ever try dunking a potato chip in champagne? It's real crazy.
Here...Isn't that crazy?" When he realizes that Rachmaninoff
wasn't such a good idea, she reassures him:
Don't worry. Everything's fine. A married man, air-conditioning,
champagne and potato chips. This is a wonderful party.
In a memorable sequence, he begins playing Chopsticks on
the piano and she joins him on the piano bench, banging and singing
out the tune with him in a child-like manner. Exuberantly during
their duet, she exclaims: "I don't know about Rachmaninoff and
this shakes you and quakes you stuff, but this really gets me...and
how...I can feel the goose pimples...Don't stop. Don't stop."
After a few vigorous renditions, he stops and approaches
her with a romantic accent: "Because now I'm going to take you
in my arms and kiss you, very quickly and very hard." They fall
backwards off the piano bench, leaving him sprawled over her. Realizing
what he has said, he pleads that it was all a mistake:
The Girl: What happened? I kinda lost track.
Sherman: I don't know. This is terrible. There's nothing I can say,
except that I'm terribly sorry. Nothing like this ever happened
to me before in all my life.
The Girl: Honest? (It) happens to me all the time.
Sherman: This is unforgiveable. The only possible excuse is that
I'm not quite myself tonight. So maybe it would be better if you
just go.
The Girl: Why, you're being silly.
Sherman: Please go, I must insist. Take your potato chips and go.
The Girl (shrugging it off): All right, if you really want me to.
Good night.
Sherman: Good night.
The Girl: I think you're very nice.
Sherman (condemning himself): Nice! You're not nice. You're crazy.
That's what you are. You're running amuck. Helen's gone for one day
and you're running amuck. Smoking, drinking, picking up girls, playing Chopsticks.
You're not gonna live through the summer. Not like this you're not.
(Looking in mirror) Look at those blood-shot eyes, look at that face,
ravaged, dissipated, evil. One of these mornings, you're gonna look
in the mirror and that's all brother: The Portrait of Dorian Gray.
Flustered, upset, and thinking he is on the verge of
a nervous breakdown, the next day at work, he asks his boss Mr. Brady
(Donald MacBride) for a two week vacation so he can join his wife
and child in the country. But he is refused - it's the publisher's
busiest season and his boss isn't very sympathetic to his plight.
Sherman imagines he has indeed been transformed into Dorian Gray:
Vice, lust, and corruption, the story of a young
man, on the surface clear-eyed and healthy, just like you Sherman,
but underneath, ah, dry rot and the termites of sin and depravity,
gnawing at his soul.
In Chapter 6 of the Brubaker manuscript, Sherman reads
about a phenomenon which is particularly applicable to himself -
the tendency and urge of middle-aged men married for seven years
to seek infidelity and extra-marital adventures - "the seven
year itch." Later that afternoon, psychiatrist Dr. Brubaker
(Oscar Homolka), whose book he is publishing, arrives for an appointment.
The title of his manuscript has been renamed "Of Sex and Violence," and
the premise of the book has also been revised - a middle-aged man
terrorizes a young girl. Sherman seeks a bargain for counseling he
feels he sorely needs:
Sherman: Tell me, doctor, are you very expensive?
Dr. Brubaker: Very.
Sherman: I'm sure you occasionally make exceptions.
Dr. Brubaker: Never!
Sherman: Why, I mean once in a while, a case must come along that
really interests you.
Dr. Brubaker: At $50 an hour, all my cases interest me.
In a counseling session held in his office, Sherman
stretches back and explains how he is in serious trouble because
he attempted to terrorize a young lady on a precarious piano bench.
He fears he is afflicted with the Seven Year Itch. Dr. Brubaker takes
notes and advises: "If something itches, my dear sir, the natural
tendency is to scratch." Sherman is concerned that she will
spread the word around that he perversely terrorized her. |