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A Fish Called Wanda (1988)
In Charles Crichton's funny madcap caper farce - about
a gang of double-crossing diamond thieves, including two Americans
who were lovers (Wanda and Otto) but pretended to be siblings, and
a stuttering animal lover (Ken):
- the characters of the Americans involved in diamond
heist: lunatic ex-CIA hitman and unintelligent, shady weapons partner
Otto West (Kevin Kline) and his clever seductive lover Wanda Gershwitz
(Jamie Lee Curtis) (who were pretending to be siblings)
- the fact of seductive Wanda's complete sexual arousal
when she heard foreign languages, evidenced when Otto began speaking
in Italian to her: "E molto pericoloso, signorina. Molto pericoloso.
(she kissed him and he threw her on the bed) Carissima"; she
burst out: "Speak it! Speak it!"; he continued: "Ossobuco
milanese con piselli! Melanzane. Parmigiana con spinace!..." as
he jumped on top of her
- the scene of conservative and stuffy British barrister
Archie Leach's (John Cleese) painful admission of British stoicism
to sexy con artist and jewel thief Wanda in a speech about how he
was cursed, before her seduction of him to help in locating her locket:
("Wanda, do you have any idea what it's like being English?
Being so correct all the time, being so stifled by
this dread of, of doing the wrong thing, of saying to someone, 'Are
you married?' and hearing, ' My wife left me this morning,' or saying,
uh, ' Do you have children?' and being told they all burned to death
on Wednesday. You see, Wanda, we're all terrified of embarrassment.
That's why we're so - dead. Most of my friends are dead, you know,
in these piles of corpses to dinner. But you're alive, God bless
you, and I want to be, I'm so fed up with all this. I want to make
love with you, Wanda. I'm a good lover - at least, used to be, back
in the early 14th century. Can we go to bed? (She kissed him and
answered 'Yeah')
Archie's "What It's Like Being English" Speech
Before Wanda's Seduction, and Otto's Jealousy
and Demands for an Apology
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- the sequence of Wanda's love-making with Archie
- spied upon and interrupted by a very jealous Otto who was listening
in and resented being called stupid: (Wanda: "He is so dumb...He
thought that the Gettysburg Address was where Lincoln lived!...And
when he heard your daughter's name was Portia, he said, 'Why did
they name her after a car?'"); Otto heard Archie insinuate
that he was stupid (Archie: "How come a girl as bright as
you girl, has a brother who's so...?"); after breaking the
couple up, Otto demanded an apology from Archie and resorted to
name-calling: "You pompous stuck-up, snot-nosed, English,
giant twerp scumbag, f--k-face dickhead asshole!"
- the subsequent sequence of Otto's dangling Archie
outside a window to force a lengthy apology from him for calling
him stupid: ("I apologize...I'm really, really sorry. I apologize
unreservedly...I offer a complete and utter retraction. The imputation
was totally without basis in fact, and was in no way fair comment,
and was motivated purely by malice, and I deeply regret any distress
that my comments may have caused you, or your family, and I hereby
undertake not to repeat any such slander at any time in the future")
- the further joke of Otto's stupidity and continuing
lack of intelligence, when Wanda (outside Archie's place) delivered
a scathing indictment of Otto's intelligence after he again sensitively
asserted: "Don't call me stupid": (Wanda: "To call
you stupid would be an insult to stupid people! I've known sheep
that could outwit you. I've worn dresses with higher IQs. But you
think you're an intellectual, don't you, ape?...Now let me correct
you on a couple things, OK? Aristotle was not Belgian. The central
message of Buddhism is not 'every man for himself', and the London
Underground is not a political movement. Those are all mistakes,
Otto. I looked 'em up"); she reminded him about Archie: "You've
just assaulted the man who can keep you out of jail and make you
rich"; she was able to get Otto to admit that he should
"Apologize!"
- during another adulterous tryst opportunity between
Wanda and Archie, the comical situation when the lustful Archie (who
had spouted foreign phrases to an aroused Wanda) was caught in the
buff by an unsuspecting British family in what he thought was a perfect
hideaway for having sex, forcing him to use a strategically-placed
framed photo to modestly hide himself
- throughout the film, the many attempts of stammering,
animal-loving hitman Ken Pile (Michael Palin) to assassinate an old
lady named Mrs. Eileen Coady (Patricia Hayes) (a threatening, matronly,
key eye-witness to the diamond robbery), but instead he cruelly killed
her three cherished pet dogs instead (mauling by an attack dog, flattening
and run-over by a taxi, and crushing by a falling safe); in the end,
the distress caused by her pets' deaths caused her to have a heart
attack
- the scene of Otto's torture of a bound-up Ken for
information about the whereabouts of the stolen diamonds, while he
was eating chips (with two fries stuck up Ken's nose) - and then
gulping down Ken's pet fish in front of him: ("Where are the
diamonds?... There's plenty of time, Ken. I'll just sit here and
eat my chips till you tell me. The English contribution to world
cuisine - the chip! What do the English usually eat with chips to
make them more interesting? Wait a moment! It's fish, isn't it? Down
the hatch!")
- Otto's further taunting of Ken ("It's K-k-k-ken
c-c-coming to k-k-k-kill me!") just before the vengeful Ken
ran over Otto (with his feet planted in cement) with a steamroller;
after flattening Otto (he survived miraculously!), Ken realized that
he was cured of his stutter: ("'K-k-k-k-Ken.' You bastard. Hey,
I've lost my stutter. It's gone. I can speak. How much wood would
a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?")
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Wanda's Sexual Arousal by Otto's Foreign Phrases
Otto: "Don't call me stupid"
Wanda: "To call you stupid would be an insult to
stupid people"
Archie Caught in a Compromising Position
One of Ken's Three Murder Attempts on Mrs. Coady (Her
Dog Was Crushed by a Falling Safe)
Otto's Torture of Ken: Gulping Down His Pet Fish
Wanda
Vengeful Ken Running Over Otto With Steam Roller
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